Carnal Attraction
by Luna Darkside
Summary: There are two kinds of friends: the kind that keeps who you like a secret and the kind that tells the person you like them using phrases like "traps of lust" and "carnal attraction" in order to get you to admit that you're the Kaitou Kid. Unfortunately for Kaito, Hakuba is the latter. /ShinKai, [quick] oneshot, complete/


_Been working on a longer-ish fic (at the moment it's about ~5,000 words, but I've still got a ways to go), so sorry for the lack of updates! I'm juggling real life, AMV editing, and two really large fanfiction projects (more details will be revealed once I actually have a better idea of if they'll actually be accomplished), so it's been a bit difficult._

_I wrote this tiny fic really fast in an attempt to sate your ShinKai needs. Hopefully you'll enjoy the fluff and me using Hakuba as a plot tool, because he's always fun. Enjoy! – Luna_

**Carnal Attraction**

As much as Kuroba Kaito hated to admit it, Hakuba Saguru was actually a fairly competent detective. He had, after all, correctly deduced that Kaito was Kid only after a few days of knowing him, and he had solved a truckload of cases.

Therefore, Kaito probably shouldn't have been surprised when Hakuba approached him before class, smirking in his most bastardly manner, and calmly declared, "I know you have a crush on Kudou-kun."

Kaito's brain shut down as he stared blankly at Hakuba. "What?"

"I know you have a crush on Kudou-kun," Hakuba slowly repeated, his smirk growing by approximately ten feet at the expression on Kaito's face, which morphed from shock to denial to annoyance rather quickly.

"I do not," Kaito rejected hotly as he glared at up Hakuba from his desk, though his heart was pounding and he could feel something akin to horror bubbling up in his stomach. Dammit, was he really that obvious?

He couldn't help but cast a look over at the "Kudou-kun" in question, who'd transferred to Ekoda at the start of the term due to complications with his return. Catching his gaze, Shinichi waved as he sat down, and Kaito returned the gesture with a smile.

So yes, Kaito had indeed been befriending Shinichi since Shinichi had first arrived, and Kaito had personally told Shinichi about his secret as Kid, but…

…Okay, yes, Kaito _did _kind of "have a crush" on Shinichi, to put it in Hakuba's terms, but that was not the point.

"Don't think I haven't noticed," continued Hakuba smugly, redirecting Kaito's attention back to him. "You're always watching him, you know. I see the way you look at him when he's not looking at you. The way you sigh over him and swoon when he returns your looks."

"…Why are you so intent on wording this like I'm a twelve-year-old girl?" Kaito growled, his glare hardening as he fought harder to keep from blushing. Because seriously? _Sigh over him_? _Swoon? _Kuroba Kaito did not _swoon_.

Damn Hakuba and his stupid girly ways of phrasing things.

Hakuba only laughed annoyingly. "Oh, am I? I apologize, Kid."

"And I'm _not Kid_," groaned Kaito, dropping his head on the desk. He pressed his cheek flat against the surface so he could continue to stare angrily at Hakuba.

"Is that so?" Hakuba was positively beaming now. "You know, I might not tell anyone that you're in love with Kudou-kun if you admit to being Kid."

Gaping, Kaito didn't move for a second before jumping to his feet in a startlingly fluid motion and sending his chair clattering backwards. "And –" He stopped upon realizing that he had attracted some attention, Shinichi's included, and lowered his voice hastily.

"And you're trying to blackmail me!" he ranted as quietly as possible, frowning at Hakuba. "Look, I don't know what you're going on about, but I'm not in love with Shinichi, dammit!"

With a gasp of mock surprise, Hakuba clutched at his chest. "Your feelings for Kudou-kun are not real love and are only carnal attraction? How could this be? And I thought you were a pure and honorable maiden!"

Even Kaito, master of the Poker Face and possibly the world's best actor, couldn't keep from going red at that because one, did Hakuba really just say "carnal attraction" out loud, and two, _did he just call Kaito a pure and honorable maiden_?

Kaito exhaled hard. _Count to ten. Count to ten before you do anything that might get you expelled. _"Did you just –"

"Hakuba? What are you talking about? Who's this 'pure and honorable maiden'?"

Both Hakuba and Kaito jumped at the sound of Shinichi's voice, though Kaito also let out an undignified "eep" of surprise.

The detective was advancing on them, looking mildly concerned and extremely attractive. Kaito always secretly wondered why the gakuran looked so damn good on him and pretty much no one else.

Shinichi stopped once he was carefully situated between Hakuba and Kaito. At the silence that ensued after his arrival, he prompted, "Hakuba? 'Pure and honorable maiden'?"

That was when the bottom of Kaito's stomach had dropped out as Hakuba's expression changed into a decidedly evil smile.

"Oh, the maiden? It's Kuroba-kun, of course!" he nearly sang, clearly relishing as Kaito made frantic _abort mission, abort mission! _faces at him. "Isn't he a lovely, adorable, _seductive _maiden?"

Shinichi stared. And blinked very, very slowly.

"Wait, uh… isn't Kaito a guy?" he asked hesitantly, the beginnings of a frown on his face, and Kaito thanked his lucky stars that Shinichi was a bit dense when it came to things like this.

"Hakuba's just being an idiot," he told Shinichi, nearly chirping as he hurried around his desk, positioned himself carefully, and elbowed Hakuba sharply in the stomach. The blond nearly fell over, clutching at his midsection, and Kaito laughed cheerily.

"Right," agreed Shinichi, that frown still in place. He glanced at Hakuba. "Er… is he okay, Kaito?"

Kaito spent half a second gloating that he'd managed to get him and Shinichi on first name basis before shrugging. "I'm sure he's fine, right?"

Hakuba, who'd barely managed to right himself back into a standing position, coughed. "Of course." He paused for a second before quickly spitting out, "Kudou-kun, Kuroba-kun unfortunately has fallen for the traps of lust and has a carnal attraction to you and he might also has a crush on y – _ow okay I'm sorry I'll stop_," before Kaito lodged his elbow in his stomach once more.

Shinichi went blinking again.

Wondering if he could strangle Hakuba without Shinichi noticing (probably not), Kaito pasted on a pleasant smile. "Yes, Hakuba is having some issues with his stomach right now and will no longer be able to talk. For the next five years, probably." He wiggled his elbow, making Hakuba wince and flail, before throwing an arm around the blond detective casually. "I'll take him to the nurse's."

"Er… okay," Shinichi said. He looked like he was debating something with himself before he leaned in quickly, lips brushing against Kaito's ear softly.

"If you had a crush on me, or even a... er... 'carnal attraction' to me, you could've just said something. I'd be honored to make you a 'sullied maiden,'" he whispered softly, and Kaito nearly dropped Hakuba right then and there as Shinichi pulled back, smirked rather sexily, and sauntered off as if nothing had happened.

Kaito felt himself flush ten shades of red.

Hakuba, who unfortunately had heard everything Shinichi had said, fainted dead away on the spot.

* * *

**Er... sexy!Shinichi sure is... uh... sexy...?**

**I do have to feel a bit bad for Hakuba, though. His expert plan of embarrassing Kaito to the point that Kaito admitted he was Kid backfired quite a bit there, I'd say.**

**Hope you liked the tiny bit of fluff! Drop me a review if you can, k? Kisses! - Luna**


End file.
